“Ask Paula” is your opportunity to seek advice and find answers about parenting and education. Here, our gifted expert and
CTD Director,
Paula Olszewski-Kubilius, offers her insights.
Q: How can I prevent my child from being discouraged by a class he doesn't do well in because he hasn't been exposed to the information?
Helping a child deal with a less then welcome outcome to participation in a challenging class is one of the most important things we can do as parents--and the sooner the better!!! We are all life-long learners, and being in a situation where the learning is challenging for any reason, is one we all face many times in our lives. The key is developing the mindset to face the challenge and recover from a less than optimal result rather than shy away from such experiences in the future. Carol Dweck, in her book,
Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, talks about a growth versus fixed mindset regarding intelligence. A growth mindset includes the belief that intelligence is malleable and can grow.
A fixed mindset rests on the belief that you are born with a certain amount of intelligence that is unchangeable. Students with a growth mindset focus more on learning and improvement than grades and outcomes, are more willing to take on academically and intellectually demanding tasks, are motivated and energized by challenge rather than demoralized by it, and are more likely to respond with increased effort to "failure" or set backs. As parents, we want to promote a growth mindset in our children so that they are not discouraged by less than stellar performance. According to Dweck, the kinds of feedback and praise we give children can affect their mindsets. Praise focused on effort and individual improvement and that rewards risk-taking (e.g. taking a course in something you are not sure you will like or will be good at) are conducive to developing growth mindsets, while praise focused on comparisons to other students or grades are not. Parents can also share their own experiences with learning something new or falling short of expected levels of performance and achievement and model ways to handle events that do not "go our way."
Parents can also help students understand that at some point, one has to make choices about those subjects or activities to invest time and energy in and those that are less important. Not everything that interests a child can be pursued at the same level of intensity and engagement. Parents can directly communicate their expectations, including that less than outstanding performance is perfectly acceptable in areas that are not a top priority or interest or areas that are new.
Do you have your own question for Paula? Let us know in the comments section below, or on Facebook, and watch this space next quarter for Paula’s replies!
